View Poll Results: What's your Technique

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  • The Stand

    0 0%
  • The Front Reach

    1 50.00%
  • The Side/Lean/Tilt

    0 0%
  • The Snowplow

    0 0%
  • Bidet

    1 50.00%
Results 1 to 19 of 19
  1. #1
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    Exclamation Youve Been Wiping Your Ass Wrong Your Entire Life

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but many individuals are still not wiping their asses correctly.

    That individual could be YOU.

    Bro Bible Breaks it down


    The Stand
    Standing upright and reaching behind to wipe. The goal is to keep the cheeks spread and avoid squishing This completely negates that.

    The Front Reach
    Remaining seated reaching through the legs with a scooping motion Brobible doesn't get it, It is not like pushing a broom but using a rotation at the end of the target area (* like using a melonballer)

    The Side/Lean/Tilt
    Remaining seated to do the stand technique Still half negates creating a Rorschach test on intergluteal cleft

    The Snowplow
    forward then backwards
    Not sure I understand what he is saying here, As my mom taught me the front reach I generally fold and redo till perfectly clean and since I have not created any extra smear there really isn't a large mass of material to be plowed. I can only imagine that do to the Rorschach he is having somthing more akin to waiting to long and getting a turtle head prior to sitting or a wet flatulence.

    So only having the experience of the other two methods because of accident and another household member who uses one of the other methods while we most often frequent our own thrones, I can hands down Say that my mamma did me righteous as I use 1 roll to his 10.


    For enlightenment on other Taboo potty topics

    also see
    Poll on a Roll


    and

    Poop better How toilet posture affects your health
    Last edited by ROOT; November 7th, 2016 at 11:05 AM. Reason: merger technicality

  2. #2
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    Default OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    OK, ladies! I can't believe that I have never heard or even seen one of these things!!!!!! But, then again, being from the boonies, I guess it was just a luxury item for the city folk! I haven't seen one of these items in the Monopoly game as pawns that you move around either! I can just hear it now, 'hands off my bidet'! This thing is wonderfull! I'm not letting my husband know just how fun this baby is!!!!!!

    Yes! My husband installed a bidet for me!!!!! It appeared to be a sort of bird bath at first when he showed me and I told him that we didn't have a Macaw to use it! I also thought he got it from a school auction and that it was just a very low drinking fountain for children! BUT NO!!!!!! He had me test out this ceramic godess out and it brought tears of joy to my face and when I saw tears of joy on his face I asked him why he was excited if it was only for me! He responded that it will smell like fresh cut spring flowers throughout the house now!

    Um, you ever see a man wear a bidet on his head????? No, but seriously, I know some guys that could use one of these too.

    NO, he didn't say that,but, I can read his mind!!!!!! BUT, omg! I thought I was the only one that never heard of such a thing! I felt so stupid but I google'd info and tips and trick on using this puppy and I was shocked! I'm telling you right now, I feel so much better now that I know that I'm not along in this! Here are a few quotes I found!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "What's a buday?



    That might be the wrong spelling, when I heard "buday" it was pronounced "buh-day". It has something to do with the bathroom... I'm just not sure what."






    I think it's spelled bidet, and is used mostly by wealthier people, and especially europeans to pretty much do a "water fountain" effect to sanitize the undercarrige Crazy, lol. Give me a good ole' role of TP anyday :

    sheenalbrown answered 7 years ago
    It is actually spelled bidet, (it's french). It's like a water faucet for your bottom. The water sprays upward to rinse you. I've never used nor physically seen one though. It looks like a sink and a toilet mixture. If you click on this link, it will give you the full description, and a picture of one also.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bidet


    Johann P answered 7 years ago
    Yes I also don't know the spelling.

    It is an open bowl in the toilet. Youwill sit on it and then open the tap and it will clean your private parts. Mostly used by women.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet

    Etymology[edit]

    "Bidet is a French word for pony, and in Old French, bider meant to trot. This etymology comes from the notion that one rides a bidet much like a pony is ridden. In addition, the bidet is also referred to as the "garden hose."

    This is amazing and if you ladies have never tried one, you need to!!!!!!! I compare it to a thrill ride like sitting on top of a water fountain! You can also have fun and wiggle around too and be creative!

    OK, I have to admit! It does smell better in here and like I saide before, I also know a few men that can benefit from one of these! OK ladies! Stand up for your rights and get a BIDET' !!!!!! Have a happy tush!!!!!!!!! Susan K.


















    Attached Images Attached Images   

  3. #3
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    I think they are weird. I know some people that have them but no thanks, not for me.

  4. #4
    Piney-Woods Rooter

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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Keen View Post
    OK, ladies! I can't believe that I have never heard or even seen one of these things!!!!!! But, then again, being from the boonies, I guess it was just a luxury item for the city folk! I haven't seen one of these items in the Monopoly game as pawns that you move around either! I can just hear it now, 'hands off my bidet'! This thing is wonderfull! I'm not letting my husband know just how fun this baby is!!!!!!

    Yes! My husband installed a bidet for me!!!!! It appeared to be a sort of bird bath at first when he showed me and I told him that we didn't have a Macaw to use it! I also thought he got it from a school auction and that it was just a very low drinking fountain for children! BUT NO!!!!!! He had me test out this ceramic godess out and it brought tears of joy to my face and when I saw tears of joy on his face I asked him why he was excited if it was only for me! He responded that it will smell like fresh cut spring flowers throughout the house now!

    Um, you ever see a man wear a bidet on his head????? No, but seriously, I know some guys that could use one of these too.

    NO, he didn't say that,but, I can read his mind!!!!!! BUT, omg! I thought I was the only one that never heard of such a thing! I felt so stupid but I google'd info and tips and trick on using this puppy and I was shocked! I'm telling you right now, I feel so much better now that I know that I'm not along in this! Here are a few quotes I found!
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Big snip>>

    Now this one, unlike the toe sucking one ya couldn't pay me to mess with!

  5. #5
    Marshtackie
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Fastcar View Post

    Now this one, unlike the toe sucking one ya couldn't pay me to mess with!
    I'm loosing it here... Seriously I am loosing it
    ~K9~ Make memories while you can... sometimes they don't last forever.







  6. #6
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    I want the sub-octi-harmonic-fractal-oscillating-micro-nozzle High pressure model with dyno blow dry and carbon filtered recovery system and optional scented oil / powder or the wax with rose petal finishing buffer.
    But I can't find one with a panic shut off switch or a proper restraint system .
    we are vastly more focused on what divides us than what unites us

  7. #7
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    ROOT>>> I hear that is a very nice and expensive system if you can keep it under control,but, it just seems to want to 'wander' on it's own once it get's turned on..........As for wax with rose petal finishing buffer, it is optional and preferred by many that 'ride' their bidet......... One woman even went as far as ordering a custom saddle..... I won't go int specifics LOL......But, she loves her Bidet saddle seat!!!!!! I have more to offer but need to go test them out with my bidet. I'll check back later with my results. SusieQ

  8. #8
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Make a clean finish at any time, any where!!!
    Make a clean finish with BIP(Bidet in Pocket).
    BIP is a final solver as portable bidet. BIP has been produced as follows :
    It is said that there was a time when toilet utensils and bidet were not allowed to advertise by television commercials. However, due to the changes of cultural perception of the people, bidet has been widely introduced among the people and its market is currently growing explosively as well. In order to match up to the need of a change of atmosphere as well as providing cleanliness to the people who have enjoyed outdoor activities, we developed a portable bidet. Portable bidet, at first, has more bulk and weight because it was just a diminution of existing bidet. Since then, other types of portable bidets, without power, have been developed, but supply ratio in the market was not satisfactory due to its high prices.
    The product 100% made in Korea :
    Since we have worked hard to develop a new type of portable bidet for ordinary people, currently we have succeeded in producing a Portable Non-toxic Bidet(bidet in plastic pack) which is patented worldwide.
    Good Item :
    Uncomfortable bidet due to the sanitary matter!! Try to solve it by BIP.
    Made by 100% domestic technology :
    What is the difference of Portable Non-toxic PVC Bidet?

    1. Very convenient to use as a portable type.
      It can be either foldable or unfoldable conveniently as a portable bidet.
    2. The final solver as a portable bidet.
      It is known as a final solver and the only patented product.
    3. Reusable as a portable bidet.
      Remove water after using it, and fold it properly. Then it can be reused at any time.

    We recommend to use it for the following people :
    This product can be used for mountain-climbing, hiking, outdoor activities, travelling, and a gift for pregnant woman, women in the moon cycle, patient, disabled people, when changing baby's diaper, children who do not like to use public toilet, girl friend who is strict in sanitary matter and boy friend in the army.

    How to Use
    1. Fill slot with water(90%, 180ml) 2. Close the slot 3. After closing the slot, fold it three times 4. Attach it to the holder
    5. For operation, pull the nozzle forward 6. Adjust it properly and spray the water wherever needed(adjust pressure by hand) 7. Remove water after the use and keep it for later use
    we are vastly more focused on what divides us than what unites us

  9. #9
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    ewwwy I wouldn't want any of his apples he should have just made a hose that attaches to a water bottle
    we are vastly more focused on what divides us than what unites us

  10. #10
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    OMG! That's not for me! Unless I am in WALMART and in the toiletries isle possibly slippin' a quick cleanse LOL!! That's why I wear a full size dress to Walmart!! AND yes, that was a MAN'S Asian hands! I saw the hair on one knuckle where he forgot to shave! NOPE, he can keep his apples! LOL
    Last edited by WizardMaster; November 27th, 2014 at 12:23 AM. Reason: slip a quick bidet cleanse

  11. #11
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    It has to be that VV hasn't seen your bidet. When he was stationed in Germany with his first wife oer 40 yrs they were staying at a guest house and she thought the bidet was to wash your feet!
    Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!


  12. #12
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Little Dee View Post
    It has to be that VV hasn't seen your bidet. When he was stationed in Germany with his first wife oer 40 yrs they were staying at a guest house and she thought the bidet was to wash your feet!
    Hahahahaha! But when she did start using it for her vag, the world rejoiced! LOL

  13. #13
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    The very first night in Germany met with three items of discovery.

    1. The foot wash for the wife.




    2. A room with a shower misunderstanding! The word for shower in German is Dusche. The Inn's (Gasthaus) owner asked me I wanted a Douche' in the room for the wife. I asked if perhaps she smelled bad from the long flight over!!!!!!! We got the room with the Dusche.

    3. I noticed a food trailer just down the street from our Gasthaus selling hot food. Not wanting to be the "UGLY AMERICAN" I got my translation book and learned how to ask for a Hot Dog. I walked up to the counter and said, "Ich mchte einen heissen hund, Bitte" I want a hotdog please or so I thought. The guy said in perfect english, "What in the world do you want?" I replied, "You speak English?" He said, "Everyone here speaks English here. What do you want?" I said, "a Hotdog", please. He told me I had just ordered a Dog in Heat!

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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Keen View Post
    Hahahahaha! But when she did start using it for her vag, the world rejoiced! LOL
    Crude, but its your post.
    Last edited by slick; November 27th, 2014 at 01:59 PM. Reason: chg
    Thanks Mamabear, KathyInAR thanked for this post

  15. #15
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by VietnamVet View Post
    ...



    3. I noticed a food trailer just down the street from our Gasthaus selling hot food. Not wanting to be the "UGLY AMERICAN" I got my translation book and learned how to ask for a Hot Dog. I walked up to the counter and said, "Ich mchte einen heissen hund, Bitte" I want a hotdog please or so I thought. The guy said in perfect english, "What in the world do you want?" I replied, "You speak English?" He said, "Everyone here speaks English here. What do you want?" I said, "a Hotdog", please. He told me I had just ordered a Dog in Heat!
    This makes me long for a curry wurst and brouchen...yum yum
    "...of no more satisfying conceit than the discovery of such hidden depths of character in one's own child..." - From Survive the Savage Sea
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  16. #16
    Scrub Chicken
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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Hahahaha, Dog in Heat, that`s awesome, lanuages are so much fun!! I just moved here from Europe and bidets are very common there. I think it`s great that they seem to be becoming a trend here in the States. I hate to say it, but they also come in handy in countries where toilet paper is scarce.

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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by ROOT View Post
    I want the sub-octi-harmonic-fractal-oscillating-micro-nozzle High pressure model with dyno blow dry and carbon filtered recovery system and optional scented oil / powder or the wax with rose petal finishing buffer.
    But I can't find one with a panic shut off switch or a proper restraint system .
    Just noticed this and gotta ask. Why would you want a "recovery system"? I don't care how you filter it.
    Spring for fresh water please.

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    Default Re: OMG! I thought I saw everything!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Fastcar View Post
    Just noticed this and gotta ask. Why would you want a "recovery system"? I don't care how you filter it.
    Spring for fresh water please.
    Geesh I have to explain everything.

    The carbon filter is to remove odors from the air the blow drier puts in so it doesn't create positive pressure and blow potential stank up out of the bowl.
    Of course this would be for guest, because everyone knows my poo don't stink

    Post amended automatically

    Having just returned from another trip to Europe and having the opportunity to use a Bidet regularly. I am absolutely convinced I will be installing one. It truly has 65% of the benefit that a full shower has every time you go and as I grow older and things hang lower Commando just doesn't provide enough support and the remedy has insufficient ventilation This is immensely refreshing. Its not just the portal of nasty that it cleans but can be used for a full undercarriage shampoo.

    I don't believe that one of the add on models would be sufficient nor sanitary, you need a clean bowl and a good flow of heated water.

    The cost of TP alone and the number of trees saved offsets the cost.

    we are vastly more focused on what divides us than what unites us

  19. #19
    Founder Middle East - Geography game Champion, Shoot The Gems Hard Champion, Master of 3 Peak Champion, Win One Million Sec Edition Champion, Face Eater Typing Champion, Miami Zombie Typing Champion, Cross Clear Champion, Cute Connect Champion, Almost Millionaire Champion, Did You Know: Christmas Champion, Globez Champion, MathBlocks Champion, Mess in the house Champion, Fruit Faces Champion, Solitaire Golf SLingo Champion, Hexa Pool Champion, Eye Pop Champion, Alien Pop Champion, John  Mary Memory Champion, Cup Cake Memory Champion, International Holiday Match Champion, 4 Dragons Champion, Quix 2 Square Champion, The Numbers Champion, Mah-jong Mayhem Set 1 Champion, Suma Novel Champion, Sweets And Cakes Mah-Jong Champion, Math And Match Champion, The Painters Daughter Champion, The Dark Side Of The Forest Champion, Turquoize Room Objects Champion
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    Default Re: Youve Been Wiping Your Ass Wrong Your Entire Life

    Seems it would take "forever" to use the bathroom...in 70 years toilet paper has never failed me. Don't expect to see any changes in my bathroom habits.
    Last edited by KathyInAR; November 7th, 2016 at 12:24 PM.
    "...of no more satisfying conceit than the discovery of such hidden depths of character in one's own child..." - From Survive the Savage Sea
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